Why Do I feel this way?

Our emotions are connected to—or can stem from—our thoughts. It would be easy to stop feeling uncomfortable emotions if we could change or stop our thoughts, but some thoughts show up uninvited; that’s why some are called automatic thoughts.

Distortions

Our thoughts aren't always right, but we get used to believing them because they’re deeply rooted in our core beliefs—those are the values, rules, and assumptions we rarely stop to reflect on or question. In fact, many of these thoughts remain unconscious, which makes it easier to fall into the trap.

Mental Traps

The content of your thoughts has shaped your behavior patterns or habits. While some of these patterns have helped you in certain situations, they can also lead you into traps. These traps often show up when you use rigid and frequent words like “never,” “always,” “should,” or “must,” or when you label yourself with statements like “I’m a mess,” “I’m disorganized,” “I’m not good at this,” or “I’m not cut out for this.” They can also appear as catastrophic or all-or-nothing thinking, such as: “I’m going to die,” or “If I don’t do this now, I won’t get another chance.”

How did I fall into a mental trap?

Human beings create mental schemas through past experiences. There are more vulnerable stages for learning, such as childhood and adolescence. But this doesn’t only happen in the past or during developmental periods—any stage of significant change can leave marks that influence the formation of these schemas. These schemas shape how we see ourselves, the world around us, and the future.

Schemas create habits

The content of your thoughts has led you to develop behavior patterns that, through trial and error, you’ve adopted in order to feel okay. That’s how our habits are formed. Although socially and culturally we tend to label habits as “good” or “bad,” these labels don’t always apply to everyone or in every moment. A wise quote by Steven Hayes says, “The same abilities that lead us to success also lead us to our internal struggles.”

Experience
Vulnerable moment

Thoughts
Automatic negative thoughts
Values and beliefs

Emotion
Psychological and physical sensation.

Action
Behaviour
and potential habit

I was born this way

Human beings are complex systems, so our behaviors, personality traits, and ways of thinking are influenced by psychological, biological, cultural, social, and systemic factors. In other words, emotional states result from a mix of personal vulnerability and internal and/or external stress, along with the availability of resources in our environment.

Change is possible

We are constantly absorbing stimuli from our environment. Learning occurs when one of these stimuli creates a strong enough connection in the brain to last and influence future thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. These connections—called neural pathways—act as shortcuts during times of stress and fatigue because it’s easier for the brain to follow a familiar route than to create a new one.

This is where neuroplasticity comes in—the brain’s natural ability to change, adapt, and form new connections throughout life. In other words, our brains are not fixed. They can reorganize themselves by forming new pathways based on our experiences and repeated practice.

Neuroplasticity requires us to expose the brain to new “paths” so the mind can build alternative routes—ones that may be more helpful and support better ways of living.

How Can I change?

Maybe you've been told many times to change or to see things differently, but that kind of advice rarely works in the long term.
In order to change, you first have to accept—and you can’t accept something you don’t know or understand.

Create a thought diary

Keeping a thought journal helps identify patterns and mental traps that repeatedly lead us to make the same mistakes and to feel anxious or sad.

There are many ways to collect this kind of information.

E A T E is one of them:

Experience

Action

Thought

Emotion

Are your actions aligned with your values?

Although many of us can tell the difference between right and wrong, we often don’t know why—or where that distinction comes from. We may assume it comes from our upbringing, or that life experience has taught us what feels acceptable and what we prefer to avoid. However, flexibility is essential in moments of conflict—especially when our values overlap or clash with someone else’s. In those situations, the line between right and wrong can become blurred.

Clarifying and prioritizing our values is important if we want to live more peacefully, be flexible with what we can’t control, let go of guilt, and take responsibility for our choices.

Think of a real or fictional person:

What qualities do you admire in that person?
What values do you think this person holds?
What values do you share with them?
What are you willing to let go of?
What is non-negotiable for you?
What would you be willing to risk?

Sometimes, it’s hard to choose between values, and indecision can increase anxiety symptoms. Knowing your top three core priorities is crucial for taking actions that align with your values.

Goals

Interpersonal relationships

Self-respect

These core priorities are not fixed—they shift depending on the situation. For example, while someone may value friendship above all, certain interactions may call for prioritizing the relationship itself, while others may require prioritizing respect—since a healthy relationship needs a balance of boundaries, respect, and trust. You’ll also encounter situations where a personal or professional goal takes priority over relationships. That’s why it’s important to have a clear understanding of your self-concept.

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